Here are a few things to do when there’s nothing to do.
- Buy cryptocurrency and watch your money disappear.
- Pluck out all your eyebrows and draw on new ones. Practice changing your mood by redrawing your eyebrows:
- Happy,
- Sad,
- Angry,
- Scared,
- Surprised,
- Angry,
- Worried,
- Angry,
- Loving,
- Pissed off, and
- Angry
- Call a mental health professional and deal with your anger issues.
- Read about animals like whales, monkeys, and kangaroos. Do not read about insects or spiders – they are disgusting.
- Rearrange the furniture and pretend you have a new home. Stub your toes because the furniture is in the wrong place.
- See how many pants you can wear at once.
- Teach your pet a new trick. Get angry because your pet is so dumb.
- Call the mental health pro again.
- Learn to play a musical instrument. If you live in an apartment, avoid the bagpipes.
- Binge-watch Laverne and Shirley while drinking cheap wine.
- Make ashtrays out of paste consisting of dryer lint and Elmer’s Glue.
- Get an ant farm and organize a union for the laborers.
- Learn how to give tattoos for fun and profit.
- Start a new hobby. Quit the new hobby and get disappointed that you never follow through on anything.
- Count your nose hairs. Are there more on the left side or the right? Why?
- Regret, plucking your eyebrows.
- Plan a vacation that you cannot afford and will never take.
- Adopt a cat and return it after five days because he is aloof and shows no love.
- Stick a butter knife in a wall outlet and see how long you can hold it.
- Sniff between your dog’s toes and wonder why smells like Fritos.
- Plot to overthrow the government of Mongolia.
- Go online and find out where Mongolia is.
- Buy more cryptocurrency.
- Write an angry letter to the newspaper about the poor quality of the local mental health professionals.
- Make a list of stupid things to do.
- Don’t do any of them because you’re a lazy slob.
John J Beck
In college we didn’t have time to do all of those, but rearranging the furniture and buying a new 33 1/3 rpm album were helpful, and presumably we were more resilient in those days.
GAIL ECKL
How did that union organizing turn out? My list includes looking outside, like a puppy, to see if anyone dare take a walk; gift my house spiders with names; grow green onions on my windowsill; contemplate the possibilities, but never touch, the junk drawer.
If we all collectively put our heads together, I think there is a book to be had…
Totally enjoyed this piece!
Paul Brophy
A great list. Wish I had this during the COVID lockdown.
But, I drink beer when I watch Laverne and Shirley. They worked in a brewery and I want to honor that fine occupation.
Martha Madole
Thank you for sharing, Tony.
JOHN SMITH
Sharpen your chisels and planes for that wood working project you wanted to do but are never going to do because you’re too busy buying and sharpening tools while really thinking about lists of things to do when you have nothing to do but you actually do have something….
It’s called ADD. A condition that affects 1 in SQUIRREL!!!!