Here are a few things to do when there’s nothing to do.
- Buy cryptocurrency and watch your money disappear.
- Pluck out all your eyebrows and draw on new ones. Practice changing your mood by redrawing your eyebrows:
- Happy,
- Sad,
- Angry,
- Scared,
- Surprised,
- Angry,
- Worried,
- Angry,
- Loving,
- Pissed off, and
- Angry
- Call a mental health professional and deal with your anger issues.
- Read about animals like whales, monkeys, and kangaroos. Do not read about insects or spiders – they are disgusting.
- Rearrange the furniture and pretend you have a new home. Stub your toes because the furniture is in the wrong place.
- See how many pants you can wear at once.
- Teach your pet a new trick. Get angry because your pet is so dumb.
- Call the mental health pro again.
- Learn to play a musical instrument. If you live in an apartment, avoid the bagpipes.
- Binge-watch Laverne and Shirley while drinking cheap wine.
- Make ashtrays out of paste consisting of dryer lint and Elmer’s Glue.
- Get an ant farm and organize a union for the laborers.
- Learn how to give tattoos for fun and profit.
- Start a new hobby. Quit the new hobby and get disappointed that you never follow through on anything.
- Count your nose hairs. Are there more on the left side or the right? Why?
- Regret, plucking your eyebrows.
- Plan a vacation that you cannot afford and will never take.
- Adopt a cat and return it after five days because he is aloof and shows no love.
- Stick a butter knife in a wall outlet and see how long you can hold it.
- Sniff between your dog’s toes and wonder why smells like Fritos.
- Plot to overthrow the government of Mongolia.
- Go online and find out where Mongolia is.
- Buy more cryptocurrency.
- Write an angry letter to the newspaper about the poor quality of the local mental health professionals.
- Make a list of stupid things to do.
- Don’t do any of them because you’re a lazy slob.
