Table for One Please

My Nativity Manger consists of...

One of the Emperor's Red Guards from Star Wars

Mama Berenstain Bear

An Ewok

A large, amply endowed bull originally from a nativity scene in the window of the Marshall Field's State Street Store

A, by comparison, small orange Swedish horse

A drummer boy who looks remarkably like Phil Collins

A hand-carved laughing wooden cow

The street sweeper from Rocky & Bullwinkle’s Fractured Fairy Tales

Ironically, three actual Wise Men

Two Men in Black

A Star Trek Dr. McCoy action figure

And a stunningly beautiful angel whose eyes are permanently rolled up into the back of her head

I have yet to find an ass

Why is it that Baby Jesus is always the one who is perpetually AWOL?

Really, can you blame him? If he doesn’t show up soon, this will resemble just another typical

Andy Warhol Be In.

Honestly, I thought I would be much more mature by now.