Table for One Please

My Nativity Manger consists of…

One of the Emperor’s Red Guards from Star Wars
Mama Berenstain Bear
An Ewok
A large, amply endowed bull originally from a nativity scene in the window of Marshall Fields
State Street Store
A, by comparison, small orange Swedish horse
A drummer boy that looks remarkably like Phil Collins
A hand-carved laughing wooden cow
The street sweeper from Rocky & Bullwinkle’s Fractured Fairy Tales
Ironically, three actual Wise Men
Two Men in Black
A Star Trek Dr. McCoy action figure
And a stunningly beautiful angel whose eyes are permanently rolled up into the back of her head
I have yet to find an ass
Why is it that Baby Jesus is always the one who is perpetually AWOL?
Really, can you blame him? If he doesn’t show up soon, this will resemble just another typical
Andy Warhol Be In.
Honestly, I thought I would be much more mature by now.